Bad puns

I love bad puns!!

There is a girl I work with and we try to outdo each other with bad puns. I tried to help her get rid of her snail infestation by telling her to "assalt" them. Then the other day as I was walking by her with the glue gun she pointed it at me and said "Stick 'em up".

Well she sent me an email yesterday and I just have to share.


CREATIVE PUNS FOR "EDUCATED MINDS"

1. The roundest knight at King Arthur ' s round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to
be an optical Aleutian .

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a
weapon of math disruption.

5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his
work.

6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it ' ll still be stationery.

7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

8.. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum
Blownapart.

9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking
into it.

12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the
other, ' You stay here; I ' ll go on a head. '

14.. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: ' Keep off the Grass. '

16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital.
When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, ' No change
yet. '

17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at
large.

20. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned
veteran.

21. A backward poet writes inverse.

22. In democracy it ' s your vote that counts. In feudalism it ' s your
count that votes.

23. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.