Monday, February 09, 2009

Bad puns

I love bad puns!!

There is a girl I work with and we try to outdo each other with bad puns. I tried to help her get rid of her snail infestation by telling her to "assalt" them. Then the other day as I was walking by her with the glue gun she pointed it at me and said "Stick 'em up".

Well she sent me an email yesterday and I just have to share.


1. The roundest knight at King Arthur ' s round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to
be an optical Aleutian .

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a
weapon of math disruption.

5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his

6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it ' ll still be stationery.

7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

8.. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum

9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking
into it.

12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the
other, ' You stay here; I ' ll go on a head. '

14.. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: ' Keep off the Grass. '

16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital.
When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, ' No change
yet. '

17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at

20. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned

21. A backward poet writes inverse.

22. In democracy it ' s your vote that counts. In feudalism it ' s your
count that votes.

23. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

Wednesday, February 04, 2009


I have read this before and think is to cute. I stole it off my friend Leanne's blog. She posted something about me the other day, check it out!

If You Give a Mom a Muffin

If you give a mom a muffin, She'll want a cup of coffee to go with it.So she'll pour herself some.The coffee will get spilled by her three year old.She'll wipe it up.Wiping the floor, she will find some dirty socks.She'll remember she has to do some laundry.When she puts the laundry in the washer,She'll trip over some snow boots and bump into the freezer.Bumping into the freezer will remind her she has to plan supper for tonight.She will get out a pound of hamburger.She'll look for her cookbook. (101 Things To Make With a Pound of Hamburger.)The cookbook is sitting under a pile of mail.She will see the phone bill which is due tomorrow.She will look for the checkbook.The checkbook is in her purse that is being dumped out by her two year old.She'll smell something funny.She'll change the two year old.While she is changing the two year old the phone will ring. (Of course!)Her five year old will answer it and hang up.She remembers that she wants to phone a friend to come over for coffee on Friday.Thinking of coffee will remind her that she was going to have a cup.She will pour herself some.And chances are,If she has a cup of coffee,Her kids will have eaten the muffin that went with it.

Written by Kathy Fictorie Based on If You Give a Mouse a Cookie by Laura Numeroff